Mothers & Daughters

As Mother’s Day approaches, here is a retrospective view of the complex nature of the relationship between mothers and daughters. (You can read a previous Mother’s Day Post HERE.)

Stage I – My Idol

Most daughters start out idolizing their mothers; wanting to emulate them in every way. They play in their clothes and shoes, and try on their favorite shade of lipstick, longing for the day they get to “put their face on” too. They hang on their mother’s every word and actually listen to what they have to say. They can’t get enough of being around them and want to go everywhere they go.

Stage II – Oh Mother…

Then there’s that crazy, late teen years period, when the daughter is not quite grown, but thinks she can handle everything life is getting ready to throw at her. They barely have time to answer a few questions about what’s going on with them at any time, or how school was on any given day, let alone want to sit down for a meal or have a look at a television show together. All of a sudden Mom’s clothes and style is altogether un-cool. It’s the stage where they think they know everything, until…. life knocks ’em down hard. Then back to Mommie they run, realizing, “wait, I really do need her, and need to hear what she has to say”.

Stage III – Back to Mom

The next phase in the relationship of a Mother and Daughter is the longest. It’s the one one where they slowly become friends, both sharing information and knowledge with one another, and enjoying the female camaraderie, full of respect and admiration for each other. The daughter gets married and shares the most magical time in a young woman’s life, with the woman who gave birth to her; picking out her dress and planning the whole affair together. The daughter has children of her own and this is definitely a time where she depends and leans on her mother for guidance and support, raising little ones of her own now. Over time they are there for one another through all the ups and downs of life; death, divorce, illness, financial crisis. The daughter herself experiences with her own children, the same woes her mother endured when she was a teenager, and now she can commiserate with her. You’ve heard the lines before: “we become our mothers”, or “just wait until you have children”, or “your children are going to do the same thing to you as you did to me.” This is the payback time for the mother!

The Final Stage – Mother & Daughter in Reverse

After a while the last relationship stage between a mother and daughter occurs. It’s the time when the tables turn and the daughter really does know a little more than her mother. They’re living in a totally different time, with advanced and evolved technology, and processes that the mother may not be accustomed to at all. Certain illnesses that occur in seniors, or even simply the natural aging process, produces more childlike behavior, which requires the daughter to take on the role of parent. Or a life-altering event requiring the daughter to become the decision-maker, responsible for all her mother’s affairs. And this can certainly cause some friction between the two. But it’s the circle of life in any parent/child relationship. Particularly for mothers and daughters, however complicated and potentially contentious the relationship becomes, love and endearment are always at it’s core.

Regardless of what stage you are in with your mother; whether it’s the idolization, the know-it-all, the best friend or the role reversal stage, on this Mother’s Day, remember her sacrifice of birth, and so many other things that followed, that you may or may not even have knowledge of, and take the time to honor her, and simply say “Thank you.”

Happy Mother’s Day!