Over the next few weeks I’ll be providing a bit of a summary of each chapter in The C Word to provide more insight into my thought processes of how I would tell my story. Today I’m sharing on Chapters 1 and 2.
Chapter 1: “In the Beginning Everyone Wears Rose-Colored Glasses”
It was important for me to start at the beginning and talk about my childhood to simply lay the foundation of how I came to be the kind of person that would make a decision to be celibate; sharing the good parts and ultimately the awakening to reality from under a rosy filtered lens. I likened this unto the phrase: “rose-colored glasses.” What are those you ask? Well I’ll tell you. It’s an optimistic perception of something; a positive opinion; seeing something in a positive way, often thinking of it as better than it actually is. And I chose this title for the opening of my book because I thought it was relatable. Because don’t we all walk in a bit of a fairytale-ish sort of view of the world and the way things work until we’ve experienced the reality of those situations? Here’s a short excerpt from Chapter One of “The C Word”:
“As a youngster I remember being very active. My parents, my mother in particular, strived to make us very well-rounded kids. Growing up in the 60’s as Black Americans, it was important to her that we be exposed to the positives and negatives of all sorts of cultures while fully embracing our own, never assimilating into just one culture, including our own, but to be complete, whole, individuals. We were exposed to theater and film, going to plays and movies as often as possible. I remember going to the movies to see “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” and “Goldfinger”, and to the theater to see Eartha Kitt in “Timbuktu”, Yul Brynner is “The King and I” and Sammy Davis, Jr. in “Stop the World – I Want to Get Off”. We were given piano, dance and baton twirling lessons. Michael and I became champion baton twirlers. I was fortunate enough to have acting and singing coaching in school for a few years. We were some busy kids, excelling in every area of activity, understanding the sacrifice, knowing nothing short of our best was acceptable. There was no time to get into any serious trouble with homework, then practice until it was time to go to bed through the week, and performances, competitions and chores on the weekends. “You live life forward understanding it backwards is my all-time favorite quote. Not knowing it back then, realizing now, how fortunate I was to have had a happy, drama-free, well-rounded childhood.”
Remembrances of my much younger days, prior to being over 21 and holding down full-time employment, haha!!!
In the second chapter I was still laying foundation but was also sharing what felt like at that time in my life like an initiation of sorts. Learning to navigate the playing field that was, (and frankly still is) the dating scene, was a proving ground. Did I have what it took to stick to my guns and not give in to the uncomfortability of the results of my decision? Would I compromise? Would it break me and cause me to become bitter?
Here is an excerpt of Chapter Two: “The Dating Game”:
“It’s important to know that from the time I became a born-again Christian, accepting Jesus as my Savior at age 11, I have always studied the bible, been active in church, prayed often and tried to live a Christ-like life the way I was taught in Sunday School and in church. So I was ready to date once again on these terms, my terms, of not having sex until I was married. In their continued attempt to ready me for this next chapter in my life, my single girlfriends all shared stories of the cruel world of dating. They were particularly concerned for me because of my stand on pre-marital sex. While the picture they painted was daunting, I thought, how bad could it really be? It’s just two people meeting, getting to know each other and deciding if they wanted to share a life together, right? The exclusion of pre-marital sex wasn’t really that big a deal, right? Surely there was someone in the world who shared the same views. It didn’t take long to recognize that I was sorely mistaken. Initially I had no problem getting dates. Those in my circle were eager to assist and happily introduced me to their single co-workers, friends of siblings and the like. There was a string of dates that went something like this… we’d meet, talk on the phone covering all the ‘getting to know you’ information and then we’d have our first date, after which I felt it was only right to inform them of my celibacy. It quickly became evident to me that I would have to adjust my standards and adapt my thinking to popular convention if I were to have any chance of becoming a Mrs. again. And if I didn’t, I was destined to be one lonely chick out there in the world. My, had things changed. Gone were the days of “good girls wait to get married to have sex” as I was taught. Where was the guy that I read about in those Christian dating books? This hit me like a sack of potatoes. But I was determined not to be deterred. So I continued to date and I didn’t like it… at all. It was the same thing, one after the other. I was assured that this was the way it was. You mean I have to keep going through this excruciatingly painful process called dating, over and over again until I just happen upon “the One”? I didn’t like this… at all. But I couldn’t give up because… what was the alternative? I definitely did not want to be that “one lonely chick out there in the world”. Then the unthinkable happened. I took a deep breath and…. I acquiesced. I decided to modify my standards and I was going to allow things to “progress organically” between me and whoever happened into my life. That meant I would see how things went and if I got a good feeling about a guy, then sex would be okay…. Wait for it…. Wait for it…Yeah, no, I wasn’t doing that. This was not the way either.”
Remembrances of the grown-but-still finding-my-way self…
I did eventually figure it all out… well, for me at least. I found a way to be happy, no matter what; to not be affected by everyone elses’ perception of the way things were supposed to be. You have to be okay with YOU. And it took me some time to get to that, but it felt so good to be “there.”
Fully grown into me, yet always learning, always growing…
For added details and possibly humor, you can check out “The Me You Didn’t Know” post here.
It has been proved over my…. whoops, almost put my age in print, haha!!!… over my multiple decades here on earth is that, every day that I am blessed with breath, and eyes that open, is a day that I have opportunity to learn and grow and become everything I’m supposed to be and march forward toward doing what I’m supposed to do. Some days I feel “fully-grown”, full of knowledge and wisdom, and yet other days I feel like I don’t really much at all. But I convinced that’s just part of the ebb and flow of life. I’m good with that; good with who I am right now, in this moment.
Be sure to pre-order your copy of “The C Word: Celibacy – My 28-Year Journey” HERE.
