I turned 60!
Disclaimer: On top of the ton of makeup I had on (you all know how I love makeup), this is a very touched up photo, hahaa!!! But I’m really liking the hair color so thinking about keeping it. Let me know what you think in the comments.
This year’s milestone birthday celebration was a whole lot less than what I was planning. For the last 5 years or so, I’ve been talking about having a big party with family and friends and debuting a drastically new hair look. Then COVID hit. Then I lost my job and was out of work for 10 months. Needless to say, there would be no party, and no new do 🙂 So all this emphasizes the first of my “What I Know for Sure at 60” list.
what I know for sure at 60 #1:
You can make plans, but always be prepared to pivot.
Pivot: to adapt or improve by adjusting or modifying something.
Boy, did 2020’s COVID pandemic drive this point home! Once upon a time in my 30’s, I was fully committed to executing every plan precisely, and took punctuality way too seriously. I mean, I would gage someone’s value of our friendship based on how timely they were when we were scheduled to meet. Because they couldn’t possibly care all that much for you if they wasted your time by being late, right? While I still believe time is very important, and more valuable than money, because as I frequently say: “I can make more money, but I can’t make more time”, it’s not more important than people and relationships. Over time I came to myself, (insert chuckle here), and relaxed quite a bit, to where, if someone is late, it’s absolutely “no worries”. Things happen. Simple, normal, and planned daily life routines can be upended by a traffic accident, a sick child, or a car malfunction. And it seems these unexpected episodes occur more often the older I get. I used to be so hard on myself when I was just a minute late for something! As I aged, I realized I had to extend myself a little more grace in this area, and I began to extend the same to everyone else. Which leads me to…
What I Know for Sure at 60 #2:
Perfectionism kills.
In this picture, taken by @bodyonemedia back in 2016, I’d just slipped and fell a bit. At first I was going to scrap it, but after thinking about it, I decided I liked this picture, because it didn’t look so perfect. Hello my name is Ingrid Bohannon and I’m a recovering perfectionist. I know from personal life experience that perfectionism kills; it kills your self-value, your self-worth, your confidence, and your peace. And you never feel good enough. Back in the day I was exceedingly more anxious than I needed to be, trying to do and be perfect in all aspects of my life. My home had to be spotless at all times. I had to be dressed a certain way with hair, makeup and nails done any time I stepped out the house. I was overly concerned with NEVER missing a beat or making mistakes on the job. All for varying reasons. And then there was dating… the longer I stayed single, the more I belabored the possibility that I needed to improve in every area of my life to become more “marriage-able”. Over a period of time, I consciously began to relax my standards on certain things. Like, instead of checking an email 5 times before emailing it, I only check it twice now. I don’t waste time second-guessing whether a task I’ve completed is perfect. And you wouldn’t believe how often I go out the house with absolutely no makeup on, including no brows, (shock and horror face). I realized, making a mistake or not “appearing” to be perfect all the time, wasn’t a referendum on my standards or my abilities. I realized, being enough was more important than being perfect. Because of who I am in Christ, I know that I’m imperfectly perfect, and I’m good with that.
What I Know for Sure at 60 #3:
The #grinding #hustle #icansleepwhenimdead culture, are all false narratives that put you on a fast track to burnout, frustration, and overwhelm.
Don’t believe the social media hype; the hype of the #bossbabe entrepreneurial culture. If you’re perusing on Instagram longer than 5 minutes, you’ll see what I mean, all the hashtags, that if you let it, will shame you into thinking you’re lazy, or you’re not doing enough to accomplish your goals and achieve your dream. I believe in hard work, but I don’t believe in grinding at anything. Grinding and hustling isn’t a guarantee to productivity and success. At 60, I’m all about simplifying to amplify (thank you Marie Forleo), and if it happens, it happens. I need my sleep to fuel me to keep going. I’m no longer staying up all night to get anything done! I’ve learned that when setting goals, whether it’s mid-year or New Year’s resolutions, it’s best to figure out the one main, tangible thing I want to accomplish, and then set quarterly actionable goals to achieve it. I throw in a bad habit to focus on curbing, and/or a good one to implement, and I’m on my way. Of course keeping conscious of the first “what I know for sure at 60”, that unforeseen variables outside of my control may cause me to re-set, and that’s ok.
What I Know for Sure at 60 #4:
Tempering my expectations based on communication, will keep me grounded.
Han? What’s that? What I mean is, once something is communicated to me, I know what my expectation level should be. If no expectations are communicated for a thing, then I go into “it”, with an open mind. I understand now more than ever before, that I can’t hold anyone responsible for expectations that were never communicated. Side note: I’m really, really big on communication, especially the part about both sides understanding what’s been said. I love the quote: “Most people listen to reply, not to understand.” Knowing I am the CEO of my own happiness and contentment, I know for sure, that interpretation and perception play a large role in communicating expectations. If a friend tells me “I think I’m going to come over to your house on Saturday”, and I don’t ask any follow-up questions, how silly would I be to expect them to actually come over? Or furthermore, to be upset when they don’t? My hurt feelings or anger would be my fault. If it’s that important, I ask questions, then confirm, or send a reminder text, and then still, I make back-up plans with myself to ensure my time is not wasted if they’re a no-show. This might be all those years as a C-Suite Executive Assistant showing through! I typically take people at their word, until they prove their word is no good. IJS.
What I Know for Sure at 60 #5:
At the end of the day, all you can do, is what you can do, then trust God for the rest.
I only know how to be Ingrid, and how to move and plan and show up as Ingrid. I think I let go of the comparison game back in my 20’s. I’ve learned to do my best and then go to sleep, or watch a movie, or whatever, except dwell on what may be. When something doesn’t go my way, I don’t spend time frustrating myself with speculating. I’m more aware than ever that all my best efforts may or may not achieve the results I desire. My plans may not be His plans, or it may not be the right time. Life up to 60 has taught me to trust that everything will work out the way it should, for the best. And to always, just keep it moving. Til next time… :)xo
